9.15 pm Tuesday April 12
Dr. Johnson said something to the effect that there was nothing like a man knowing he was going to be hanged the next morning to concentrate his mind. Now obviously, I am not going to be hanged at 7.30 am tomorrow morning. And many worse things could be happening. I could have stomach cancer with three months to live. I could have throat cancer. I know full well that I am having something that seems to be thoroughly routine; that works well; that people have for ten, twenty years; and so on. I could count my blessings--that they found out about it in what seems to be the early stages (after all, it did not show on my last annual physical); that the treatment is known to be effective; that it's just one night in hospital...etc. etc. ad nauseam.
But still, the fact that I will have my chest cut open, an electronic device inserted under my skin, and wires run down through my veins to my heart to conduct electric shocks--it does indeed concentrate the mind.
Time for bed.
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